My sweet love dances with the stars. Seriously.

I would like to take this moment to say: I TOLD YOU SO!!!

The Dancing with the Stars finale was in. tense. last night. But that might be because I was so emotionally invested. But whatever, you can't blame me-- that was my future wife up there, for heaven's sake!

Tom Bergeron (or however you spell his last name) didn't give his final announcement as much lead-up time as I expected, and I had just taken a mouthful of wine. Needless to say, I couldn't swallow for the agonizing, slow seconds that followed. The screen was dark, I was leaning forward slightly. Love and fear were in my heart. I was frozen. I didn't breathe.

And then [!] the explosion of joy. I raised my arm in triumphant silence (I would have spewed my wine if I had yielded to the urge to cry out in jubilation). My tightly clenched fist shook twice. I was overcome with emotion.

Julianne Hough. I can't wait to marry this girl. What a doll! What a babe.

Fine. Fine. I admit it, she looks kind of dumb, kind of ditzy. I agree. She might be awkward and a little too giggly. Fine, a lot.

But since I'm never going to meet her anyway, I don't need to worry about the fact that she'd probably bore me to tears. I'm going to stick with the following truths: she is happy, bubbly, vivacious and wonderful; she is unbelievably gorgeous, especially when she's got that husky voice going (don't tell me it's from hours of mindless shrieking- we're past that, remember?); and she can move. Dancing is sexy, and she is pretty damn good at it.

Therefore I will revel in my love for her- you know, that breath-catching second-grade love that makes you clench your buttcheeks together in your chair and giggle. I'll watch her from afar, imagining that I'm not afraid to go right up and talk to her, and living a thousand charming encounters in my mind.

And in the meantime, I won't feel bad about lording it over you that I predicted her repeat victory after the first effing episode of the season. Because I had faith in the one I love.

[insert buttsquirm and giggle, mental image of my wedding with Julianne on top of a mountain, cherubs are hovering like hummingbirds and dropping white rose petals that cover the green grass where the white cuppola stands, Julianne and I are holding hands under her bouquet and giggling, possible butterfly kisses]