For my friend John's intermediate (Sophomore level) French class requirement, which he was finishing up second semester of senior year (this spring), he had to make a video for a project he was working on. Our other roommate's brother had visited a month before and left us with a new awe for four things: Right Guard RGX body spray (still use that stuff), the sexual attractiveness (to coeds) of a college graduate who plays guitar, the potential for screwy relationships with hot women from broken homes, and the French rap song La Belle et Le Bad Boy, by MC Solaar.
Naturally, for his project, John decided to make a music video of La Belle et Le Bad Boy, consisting chiefly of jiggly shots of him walking down the hallways of a recording studio and lip-synching. But there were other scenes too, including a shooting, a funeral, cars with underlighting at night, and a shot of the two young lovers (two more of my friends) counterfeiting money and doing lines of fake cocaine off the coffee table.
And now? The thing just blew up on YouTube. 51,000 hits or something? (I can’t check because YouTube is blocked at work.) And guess what the number one result on a Google search “MC Solaar La Belle Le Boy”?
This video took him a few hours to put together and now he’s practically famous. I was almost in the shooting scene, but I didn’t want to put down my bourbon because I had to finish it before my baseball game (what? I wasn’t pitching that day).
But I think I deserve a little acknowledgement in the credits for the “fake cocaine off the coffee table” scene. I guess you’ll need a backstory for that.
At the end of the fall semester, at a flag football game (which we won—actually we won the whole shebang—championship, yeah bitches), John broke his finger… really fecked it up as a matter of fact: the middle bone of his middle finger was snapped into four pieces, and it was bent directly sideways. The two of us were collaborating to stop a kickoff return on the play, and he got his hand caught in the flag belt and twisted around. When he turned to me and showed me, I told him he should get a sub (I think maybe he knew that). And then I yelled over to the sideline that one of the girls should drive him to the hospital (I was into the game).
After a sort-of botched surgery (his finger is still kind of crooked), he got a prescription for Laritab, which is basically Vicodin to the third power. Strong stuff. One of those days when we were all sitting around drinking and various people we didn’t invite were coming into our apartment to drink (there were a lot of those days in those days), John thought it would be a good idea to grind one of the pills up and snort it.
He went and got one of the pills (gigantic! 1000 milligrams aka a gram), and set to dicing it with a paring knife on a kitchen plate. We took a few minutes chopping and grinding, and a few more minutes finding a twenty dollar bill for authenticity’s sake. But when push came to shove, there was still a great deal of awkward laughing and “Are you fucking serious?” and more laughing and “I’ll do it if you do it” and then awkward seriousness, and then a little more giggling.
I had never done drugs of any kind, except for antibiotics and Capri Sun, and I wasn’t interested in doing any, but I just wasn’t sure if this qualified. But after enough mooning, I grabbed the bill, bent down and snerked up a column of powder.
It burned. Not because it was acidic or anything, it was just a bunch of powder up my nose. Ouch. So I sniffed a few times, took a drink of beer, and sat back. Everyone took their turns, and that was that. It didn’t make me feel funny, or feel good, or feel bad.
So the episode was pretty much forgotten. Every once in a while, one of us would whip out some aspirin or Vitamin C and convince some freshman to do it because we though that was pretty funny, but soon the novelty wore off, and we let it go.
Until they made that video, and the video made it big. Now, if you please, I would like credit for being the first person to snort a line of imitation coke off the coffee table that so many thousands have since seen.