Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A new term

You know those embarrassing internal farts, where some bunch of something gaseous shifts from one section of your intestine to another. I'm not talking about your stomach rumbling, I'm talking about those squeaky internal hoots where you almost want to say "No, everyone, I did not just let one rip right in front of you. That was inside of me. INSIDE. Nothing came out. Yes, I am certain. Stop dousing me with Febreeze, sir." Well, I have thought of a name for those. Henceforth, let them be known as 'bowel growls,' as in "oh, man, I had a wicked bowel growl at work and the woman next to me scooted as close as she could to the woman on the other side and immediately started talking about maalox."

The best way to deal with a bowel growl is to make a very skeptical face and slowly roll your head diagonally up and to the side for the duration of the growl. At the end, pause with your head rolled back for a moment, raise your eyebrows and pause for another moment, then shrug and continue business as usual. Go ahead, practice now.

p.s. the drinking fountain sucks here, because the stream is inconsistent, so as you wait for your cup to finish filling up, maybe smiling at the cute girl from logistics, all of a sudden the stream will jump and soak your hand, or generously splash your undercarriage. And you make a noise like a startled seal and probably spill a little more, and the cute girl from logistics looks back down at her desk and stifles a giggle. And the woman who sits next to you remembers your bowel growl and sees the moist patch on your trousers, and is now firmly convinced that you have trouble with incontinence.

2 comments:

asiankp said...

nice. i will spread your new word like prostitutes spread diseases.

Katie Leigh said...

Who's the cute girl from logistics: better yet, what's logistics?

Gross by the way...you weirdy. I can't decide what's worse, bowel growl or the 'oh man this is moist/humid' comments.