1. Yesterday, my mother bought me four new undershirts. I was somewhat behind on my laundry, as is my wont, and had not been wearing undershirts every day (or most days). Now I am a person who generally leaves the top two buttons unbuttoned when I am wearing a button-down shirt without a tie. In my mother's opinion, two buttons unbuttoned and no undershirt showed too much skin. Come on, she said, leave something to the imagination! (She didn't actually say that.) So I am wearing a new undershirt today, but come on, is two buttons unbuttoned without an undershirt really immodest? Yeah, I know Europeans do it, but not everything Europeans do is immodest. The Pope is European.
2. Hedge fund managers make so much money. No, you don't get it. Soooo much money. Think of an amount. Nope, more than that. More. Little more. The top twenty hedge fund and private-equity shop managers made an average of $657.5 million dollars last year. They made more money every ten minutes than the average worker made all year. The top earners made more money than Bill Gates. That's right. Also, guess what? That income counts as capital gains, since they're all just trading stocks and taking over companies, not salaried. So they pay only 15% taxes on it, unlike Bill Gates. That's less effing taxes than I pay. But like Bono says, an Irishman will look at a mansion and say, 'I want to get that guy,' and an American will look at the mansion and say, 'I want to be that guy.' Because I know some people who work in that area, and it sounds so fast-paced, competitive and fun. Maybe a little mercenary too, ... maybe a lot mercenary. But if you know where to draw the line, I think it sure would be neat. Talk about just seizing the opportunity of a free market-- and riding it hard. Here's a harsher view than mine, but one that didn't convince me, only made me think 'hm- that might be fun.'
3. I want to get a motorcycle. They are so cool. I will get a Harley. They are cheaper than cars; they get much better gas mileage than cars; and they are cool. I know, they are sooo dangerous. But I think I could drive one safely, and avoid accidents and death. See the pictures of my friend?
I would not do that stuff. That is silly and stupid and dangerous. I would be safe ish. Doesn't this sound fun?
4. I just wiped a bunch of urine off the toilet. Shout out to my poo-spray sista Crystal.