Last night I went to a poolside barbecue and then drank far too many beers for a weeknight while sitting on a 35th story balcony at State and Superior downtown, trying to flick cigarette butts into the pool two hundred feet below, watching fireworks explode one block away and listening to the echoes boom off the sides of the skyscrapers. I don’t have a good post in me right now.
Then, my little muse of a cell phone informed me that my message memory was full. So I thought, hey, let’s post all the text messages in my inbox. And here they are, 112 gems, for your viewing pleasure.
2. Oh no sanks. Even though that does sound delish right now.
3. That apple was epically delicious.
4. Cheers! Let’s get drunk about it!
5. Maybe we should get there a little early to make sure the bar is ok and taste-test the Guinness.
6. Still at work, leaving in ten… Be at the bar around ten to six?
7. 55 90 armitage Ashland Belmont?
8. Don’t smoke without me.
9. You read my scene?
10. Hey thanks. It still very much sucks, and we could still very much do it.
11. Guess whether or not I am yammered and have your number.
12. Someone put gin in my grapefruit juice.
13. She’ll probably do it too… I’m still in bed.
14. You have no idea. No, you probably do.
15. In. Tonight we go out. Joe’s birthday.
16. Long and drunk.
17. Way to go, dude! I found my phone in the driveway yesterday. In shards. Go us!
18. Actually just stayed in and got ploughed with my brother. You do anything?
19. I left my life in Irving.
20. Compound bow, carbon-fiber arrows.
21. Shut the fuck up.
22. Yao or Yaos?
23. Where are you?
24. That is incredibly ironic.
25. A tradition unlike any other.
27. Cuckin Fubs.
28. I don’t know what the deal is.
29. I did. I sent him an email. Where do they live? Email me directions?
30. When are you getting to J&J’s?
31. Did you call me?
32. You get drunk last now?
33. Oh yeah, sorry, got it.
34. Did you get her evite idea? Do you want to do that or should I? Prolly you.
35. I don’t know
38. Parked for the third time so my smoking engine can cool. In Bellwood or something.
39. No thanks, I’m sure I’ll make it. Eventually.
40. Haha ‘moral’… good one.
42. Thanks, who’s we?
43. Miss y’all too. Let’s hang out sometime.
45. Seems to be the story of the day…
46. I think men should be more embarrassed of their nipples.
47. No, I meant because they can’t possibly compare to how perfect mine are.
48. Don’t fuck with me, man.
49. Boohoo. (hug)
50. It’s been arranged.
51. Murder any rodents lately?
52. Oh yeah, just got back.
54. Aim for the black fag
55. Splendid! I’m about to be a pro baller, hopefully, what more could you ask? What are you up to?
56. I diggoo
57. Feck off
58. No offense
59. That’s from sitting on the copier.
60. Throat, head, body.
61. I just want you to know I have no memory of texting you last night.
62. Entirely p-bear.
63. Are you serial?
65. For sure. Also have to say ‘oh em gee I hate spence’
66. Score. You’ll totally get on TMZ
67. I’ll give you eighty bucks if you do all my laundry.
69. Are you sure it wasn’t him? Yeah I want to go to Michigan too for sure.
70. Hey, just finished golfing, ready to go. What’s the plan?
71. Yeah, let’s all hang out. I don’t care where…
72. I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew!
73. Holy crap caffeine buzz. I just had two jumbo monsters, which is the equivalent of… wait for it… thirty cups of coffee.
74. Aselin Debison
76. What the shit, Tiger?
77. And he needs it now tonight, he fuckin needs it more than ever.
78. Right back at ya.
79. It’s likely.
80. Let’s boogie!
81. If you blow low enough.
82. I’ll drink it.
83. Etoh walks if you blow a James Bond.
84. No dude- gave up a twenty-four point halftime lead.
85. Yup. I’m starting the second game tomorrow.
86. It’s Friday, everyone’s goodly. I still don’t like Boston.
87. Don’t worry, there’s still plenty of time for me to drink waaay too much.
88. How’s downtown?
89. Parents tropical disease. Children of incest.
90. Emi typed confessions, girl’s therapist.
91. Time to start a new streak
92. He’s at an evening of recollection.
93. Heading now as in leaving now? Haha, you’re going to miss the game.
94. I’m leaving.
95. Oh wait, I just got a pitcher of beer.
96. Supplemental income?
97. Waiting for his brother to get to the bar.
98. YES IT IS!
99. What’s imd?
100. I said ‘cot’ mother.
101. haha, no, I really have baseball.
102. How bout now? Six minutes?
103. Four minutes? Four minutes?
104. You’re so immature.
105. You spelled ‘ynur’ wrong.
106. Aah, you fucksteak. I didn’t even notice the sandwich till now.
107. Nice, supreme court.
108. That and sex.
109. I dunno. Plan?
110. He’s at a wine and cheese party, isn’t he? Lottie’s might work.
111. Let me know.
112. Oh. Well. What are y’all doing?
Now we can do several things (damn, typing that took me longer than I expected). We could say everyone picks one text that they want more context on (or two). Or we could have fun trivia like this quiz entitled “Mom or Booty call: which is which?”
1. 43 and 97
2. 17 and 87
3. 100 and 45
4. 4 and 81
And then you have to figure out which was which. Ok, you’re right, that wasn’t much fun. So you think of a game. My head hurts.