I was walking out of the bathroom not ten seconds ago when one of the jackasses I work with was walking in - the same one who sent an email to the entire company to "use white-out sparingly." I don't even know what that was about. Does anyone even use white-out any more?
Whatever. Anyway, he goes in, immediately turns around, sticks his head back out and calls to me, "Hey!"
I turn around.
"Are you the one that layered the toilet seat with toilet paper?"
"But you were just in there."
"So you peed right through the middle and didn't get any on the toilet paper?"
I thought about it for a second. "I was just washing my hands," I remembered.
He starts walking toward me in that jokey-bossy way where people want to be friends with you but also have authority over you. "How bout you let me smell your hands."
"How bout I let you put my balls in your mouth."
Long, awkward pause.
Finally, I say, "I'm sorry," and turn and walk away.
Probably going to get an email about it tomorrow, with the whole company cc'd.