Friday, January 4, 2008

New Year's Resolutions

So, New Year’s Resolutions, huh? People seem to be big into them these days (and by these days I mean “these January 1sts”). I, for one, have never had a New Year’s Resolution.

Well, maybe that’s not true; I may have had one a long time ago—or maybe even a couple. But I don’t remember a single one, and that’s the truth. Why? Because I’m perfect? Well, obviously I can’t say that because you probably wouldn’t believe me.

Because I’m lazy? Well obviously I can’t say that because it’s not true. Fine, it’s true, but it’s a boring answer.

The real reason (at least this year) is that I didn’t have time because I had to do a load of laundry. Speaking of doing laundry (and not taking showers), I would like to inform you that yesterday I suffered from the most profound swampass of my life. I hadn’t taken a shower or changed my underpants since December (dang, could’ve gone with ‘no showers’ for a resolution), and there was literally a marsh in my trousers. You know when you get that layer or two of dead skin that’s still just sludging onto your grundle because you haven’t washed it for a few days, and it gets coated with one part sweat and two parts grease? It was like that times Avogadro’s number. I could have planted a crop in my crotch. Should I stop now? Is anyone even still reading? Damn it. I’m sorry.

So aside from the rice paddie in my pants, I was also unofficially appointed to serve as the face of the company in a series of videos as we launch the company online video channel. So that’ll be interesting, to say the least.

Oh also, since almost all of y’all thought Roy was depressing or scary or maybe just plain boring, I moved him to a different blog: Happy Friday, bitches. I’m sorry if I made you throw up by talking about my rotten taint.


tiff said...

what, i'm not invited to read about suicidal roy?

Asiankp said...

thanks for the shout out...even if it was in your pants.

fort knocks said...

haha, you're right. I'm linking that for you.

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Umm, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Jon said...

If I ever start a rock band, I'm calling it Grundle Sludge.