I think I am the only person I know who has written about suicide on their birthday. Why? I don't know. Some people wondered about it, or asked "hey, are you ok?" Yes, thank you. I wasn't the one trying to kill myself; that was just a character. No one says, oh, you wrote about a plane crash, did your plane crash? Or, are you worried about a plan crash. No, I'm not.
Actually, some of the stuff I write on here is made up. For example, I never wore a blue thong to work, I never got slipped a roofie, I never got caught with a fingernail in my mouth by my boss, and I never saw a guy get arrested and keep repeating "I'm gonna die." I'm sorry, is that kind of a betrayal? Do you feel like you can't trust me now?
Why? Why does it matter if any of this stuff happened or didn't happen? It could have, right? And most of y'all don't know who I am anyway, so what's the big diff?
I could be wrong about this. If I am, let me know, and I won't make up stories any more.
In the meantime, here are ten genuinely true things about me:
1. The story about my profile picture is 100% true.
2. I am eating a cold, four-day old gyro right now, and the sauce is sort of congealedish.
3. My sister is in Costa Rica singing at a wedding, and she is going to miss my family's New Year's Eve Party for the first time ever.
4. I am 6'6", can dunk a basketball with two hands with no running start, and can throw a baseball 90 mph.
5. I have not won a writing contest since junior year of high school.
6. Pizza is far and away my favorite food, but Christmas breakfast is my favorite meal of the year.
7. I can drink a lot, and I drink too much.
8. I did badly on APs but well on SATs and ACTs.
9. I almost failed out of college. Sort of.
10. My favorite color is red. I am not afraid of blood, but I really don't like watching knee injuries even though I have never injured my knee.
OK, Happy New Year, y'all. Find some mistletoe and have a ball.